Lamb Chops With Big Nuts

Have you ever wondered why some farmers aptly name their pet animals after a dish on their plates?  Well, I don't have an answer either ok?  But I can tell you now that is what we used to call our sheep up on our farm in Ohaeawai, NZ.

He was a ram and to us kids he was a grumpy bastard with big nuts that used to hang down past his 'knees'.  Dunno how he managed to run with those a knockin' from side to side... but he could run like the wind if he could smell the scent of fear.  We weren't supposed to get to the cowshed via the main road as we may have been mistaken for road kill from time to time, so we had to cross Lamb Chops paddock to make our way to the haybarn and cowshed.

The paddock was on a little hill and we crossed up the top, having a 'jack' over the old gate making sure that HE was down the bottom... because by the time you had the balls to enter his domain you had to run like the clappers to get over to the tanker track on the other side before HE noticed you.  Because if he noticed you you may have well have been named after a dinner plate dish hahaha.  I'm sure he was a wild African beast reincarnated as a ram!

Once upon a time........ my younger brother and I decided to go and play with our cars over by the haybarn.  So did the usual... climb up the gate and lean over the top to see where grumpy pants was.... yep, sweet, all clear.  HE is down grazing at the bottom...choice as!  C'mon little bro, lets go...  I'm two years older than my bro but when you are talking about being about 6 or 7 then the difference is pretty big in terms of being able to hold yourself and run for your life hahaha.

So we started out to get to our destination through the paddock to the other side.... oh the other side...I wish the other side was right here right now!  You know how things just become habit and you get a bit laxed when it comes to the rules? Well, we were exactly that! Because I looked down to the right and there was Lamb Chops bolting for us, nose flaring, foaming at the mouth like a mad cow, nuts smacking this way and that! Bloody hell! RUN! RUN! RUN! By this time he was half way up and we had to just pray that we were gonna make it......

..... the gate! the gate!...nearly there.... c'mon little bro.... the gate! the gate!..... T H E    G A T E ! ! ! !  I could hear the beast.... f'dump...f'dump...f'dump...snort....snort...snort.....

My arms reached for the heavens towards the top of the gate, right leg shooting for for the stars in unison and I catapulted myself up and over. Swiftly spun round and jumped up on the gate from the safe zone to pull my brother up... my toes teetering on the bar of the gate, my body lunged over the top to pull him up! TOO LATE!!!!

The beast had got him! Little bro frantically trying to grab the top of the gate now as Lamb Chops was bunting his arse like an apple bobbing competition upside down hahahaha! His legs were flying outwards, his face distorted with fear ... but his grip was firm!  Bunt! Bunt! Bunt!  Man Lamb Chops was centered all right, my brother looked like a cartoon in a really bad place.  Then Lamb Chops may have had enough, I dunno, coz he gave this one last almighty BUNT! and my bro went flying up and scrambled over the top of the gate! Lamb Chops just went his merry way and began filling his belly again like nothing had happened.... I guess he got his reward by showing us the wrath of the beast within... putting fear into the little shits who cross his domain.

Now, I'm not a mean person or anything like that but I was rolling round on the grass laughing uncontrollably with tears in my eyes... while my brother was crying from the fear put in him! I think it was the adrenalin and now being in the safe zone type thing?  Trying to just ask if his butt was ok was an impossible task... I'd just start bloody laughing again!.... and again......and again!  Sorry bro hahahahahahahaaaaaaa!

And Lamb Chops?   Well..... lets just say  that he was aptly named.... RIP.

A Day In The Life Of Farm Kids......and a ram with big everything!

Three Stupid Chicks Stuck On A Cliff

Lets give you a visual of where we were first before I get into the juicy bits.

Place..... Whangamumu, Russell, Northland.

Why...... College (High School to some) camping trip.

The place is gorgeous! It's in the wop-wops up North so its pretty difficult to get any help if you ever got yourself in the shit really. So I dunno why our teachers decided that this was a good idea when most of the group were ratbags, what the hell were they thinking? It's all their fault! haha

Took us like 1000's of hours to walk there in the first place. Hearing the odd whinge here & there like we were following Poppa Smurf "are we there yet?". The parents were probably pissed that they had to set a good example, and I BET YOU they were thinking the same "are we there yet?!" Yeah, I bet...

We approached one of THE most beautiful bays I had ever seen nestled in between bush and hills, now this was a tough call as there are heaps of hidey-holes dotted all around Northland that are just as breathtaking mate, but his one just seemed so far removed from man and everything he stands for as it took us bloody ages to get there! Heaps of teenagers tramping through the virgin lookin' bush with a constant hum of chatter and shreaks. Watch out! Here we come!

Pwrfffft! Someone let off the biggest most hard outest fart! Echo, echo, echo...The mating call of one of the blokes who was no doubt full with way too much testosterone and cheek. Raucous laughter had by all....for ages and ages and ages. Maybe it was the phantom farter from an earlier story, who knows? Why the hell do we laugh at farts? I still do to this day.....

Anyway, this ain't about farts ok.... hahaha. We set up the tent with our 'buddies' and it was our turn to go get some water which was up over the other side of the hill over by the old whaling station. Right, got the containers....check. Got ourselves......check. Three of us walking and talking shit how girls do. None of this "oooh look at my pretty hair" type stuff, coz we didn't give a toss about that stuff up there, some didn't even have hair brushes....just blabbed about nothing and everything else. We we had pretty spastic humour, cracking up to the point of nearly peeing our pants when ever anything ever tickled our funny bones, yeah....right then, lets move on.... Now we filled up the containers....."Man these are HEAVY!"..."Yeah bro, this sucks!"..... so being the on-to-it kind of girls we were we decided to take a short cut. Instead of going back the way we came we decided to navigate our way around the rocks below the hill..... that's logic for ya!

Cool, we'll get there quicker, thinking we had stumbled upon the next best thing since sliced bread...Man we are three remarkably talented chicks. We meander around the bottom of the cliff face and get to a big rock. We climb up and ov.....er, NOT! SHIT! The tide is coming in! Damn, turn back. SHIT! The tide is coming in faaaaaaast bro! ......

TRAPPED!

See the panic on each others face cloud the once bright wide grinned faces. Hmmmmm, were we scared of the teachers or the situation at hand..... a bit of both I reckon! Nah, more the unforgiving ocean more like it! We looked up..... "Noooooooo!", big cliff nearly at a right angle. Anyone got spare rock climbing gears by any chance? No? Why the hell not? Anyone got a magic wand? No? Why not?

Dumb.....dumb.....dumb....

Funny how your body goes into survival mode and you just do things that you wouldn't even attempt to do in a normal situation... funny that. We just had to climb up the face of that kick ass cliff or we were doomed. Grabbing on to roots, rocks, holes.... "Mwwaaaaahhhh! Mwwaaahh!" our mate started freaking out big time.... guess where? Go on, have a guess..... yep, half way up! The 'expedition' stopped dead in it's tracks. "Come on girl! We have to keep going!". Don't look down, coz now the rocks below were covered with water slapping unforgivably against the base of the cliff where we were standing a wee while ago. After a lot of encouragement she decided it would be ok if we both helped her up, because we weren't staying there the night man!

Shoving her ass up the cliff face, literally! Yep, we actually pushed her butt up, her feet skidding up, hands frantically trying to grasp the first thing they touched! Meanwhile we were trying to grip roots with one hand pulling ourselves up, the other nearly up her ass! GOD! WHY? My other mate in the end had had enough and told her to "SHAAAAADUP!". I can see the top! Earth and rocks falling with every push, trying to scramble up quicker as the top is there, just there! Just....... "YEEEAARHH!", we did it. Happy, freaking, shaking, sick...a whole heap of emotions waved over us.

Looking over the edge down below we could see the water bottles on the top of the big rock still sitting as peaceful as how we left them, undisturbed by the chaos around them. Our exit point from the rocks was totally covered in water. Still I was glad we were up here rather than hanging out with the water bottles below haha. Our mate felt stink as, but after a while we were cracking up at ourselves, replaying the whole scenario over and over, and every time we would laugh out loud. Now.... what were we gonna say to the teachers? Maybe I should go sit with the water bottles after all?

A Day In The Life Of Some Really, Really Stupid Chicks In NZ