Lets give you a visual of where we were first before I get into the juicy bits.
Place..... Whangamumu, Russell, Northland.
Why...... College (High School to some) camping trip.
The place is gorgeous! It's in the wop-wops up North so its pretty difficult to get any help if you ever got yourself in the shit really. So I dunno why our teachers decided that this was a good idea when most of the group were ratbags, what the hell were they thinking? It's all their fault! haha
Took us like 1000's of hours to walk there in the first place. Hearing the odd whinge here & there like we were following Poppa Smurf "are we there yet?". The parents were probably pissed that they had to set a good example, and I BET YOU they were thinking the same "are we there yet?!" Yeah, I bet...
We approached one of THE most beautiful bays I had ever seen nestled in between bush and hills, now this was a tough call as there are heaps of hidey-holes dotted all around Northland that are just as breathtaking mate, but his one just seemed so far removed from man and everything he stands for as it took us bloody ages to get there! Heaps of teenagers tramping through the virgin lookin' bush with a constant hum of chatter and shreaks. Watch out! Here we come!
Pwrfffft! Someone let off the biggest most hard outest fart! Echo, echo, echo...The mating call of one of the blokes who was no doubt full with way too much testosterone and cheek. Raucous laughter had by all....for ages and ages and ages. Maybe it was the phantom farter from an earlier story, who knows? Why the hell do we laugh at farts? I still do to this day.....
Anyway, this ain't about farts ok.... hahaha. We set up the tent with our 'buddies' and it was our turn to go get some water which was up over the other side of the hill over by the old whaling station. Right, got the containers....check. Got ourselves......check. Three of us walking and talking shit how girls do. None of this "oooh look at my pretty hair" type stuff, coz we didn't give a toss about that stuff up there, some didn't even have hair brushes....just blabbed about nothing and everything else. We we had pretty spastic humour, cracking up to the point of nearly peeing our pants when ever anything ever tickled our funny bones, yeah....right then, lets move on.... Now we filled up the containers....."Man these are HEAVY!"..."Yeah bro, this sucks!"..... so being the on-to-it kind of girls we were we decided to take a short cut. Instead of going back the way we came we decided to navigate our way around the rocks below the hill..... that's logic for ya!
Cool, we'll get there quicker, thinking we had stumbled upon the next best thing since sliced bread...Man we are three remarkably talented chicks. We meander around the bottom of the cliff face and get to a big rock. We climb up and ov.....er, NOT! SHIT! The tide is coming in! Damn, turn back. SHIT! The tide is coming in faaaaaaast bro! ......
TRAPPED!
See the panic on each others face cloud the once bright wide grinned faces. Hmmmmm, were we scared of the teachers or the situation at hand..... a bit of both I reckon! Nah, more the unforgiving ocean more like it! We looked up..... "Noooooooo!", big cliff nearly at a right angle. Anyone got spare rock climbing gears by any chance? No? Why the hell not? Anyone got a magic wand? No? Why not?
Dumb.....dumb.....dumb....
Funny how your body goes into survival mode and you just do things that you wouldn't even attempt to do in a normal situation... funny that. We just had to climb up the face of that kick ass cliff or we were doomed. Grabbing on to roots, rocks, holes.... "Mwwaaaaahhhh! Mwwaaahh!" our mate started freaking out big time.... guess where? Go on, have a guess..... yep, half way up! The 'expedition' stopped dead in it's tracks. "Come on girl! We have to keep going!". Don't look down, coz now the rocks below were covered with water slapping unforgivably against the base of the cliff where we were standing a wee while ago. After a lot of encouragement she decided it would be ok if we both helped her up, because we weren't staying there the night man!
Shoving her ass up the cliff face, literally! Yep, we actually pushed her butt up, her feet skidding up, hands frantically trying to grasp the first thing they touched! Meanwhile we were trying to grip roots with one hand pulling ourselves up, the other nearly up her ass! GOD! WHY? My other mate in the end had had enough and told her to "SHAAAAADUP!". I can see the top! Earth and rocks falling with every push, trying to scramble up quicker as the top is there, just there! Just....... "YEEEAARHH!", we did it. Happy, freaking, shaking, sick...a whole heap of emotions waved over us.
Looking over the edge down below we could see the water bottles on the top of the big rock still sitting as peaceful as how we left them, undisturbed by the chaos around them. Our exit point from the rocks was totally covered in water. Still I was glad we were up here rather than hanging out with the water bottles below haha. Our mate felt stink as, but after a while we were cracking up at ourselves, replaying the whole scenario over and over, and every time we would laugh out loud. Now.... what were we gonna say to the teachers? Maybe I should go sit with the water bottles after all?
A Day In The Life Of Some Really, Really Stupid Chicks In NZ
9 comments:
THESE STORIES ARE AMAZING! You have a natural talent.
Ha Ha thanks for the laugh again who else can frame the term 'spastic humour' into a tale . Russell and the Bay Of Islands is a magnificent place I have fond memories of dragging for Scollop shellfish and putting fish fresh caught out of the net into the smoker.
Really like your stories. You should get them published. I don't read normally but these are just right. keep it up.
haha! Cheers guys! Watzzupsport, you makin' me crave seafood now.... :-)
I was on cooking duty for our group, Rice Rissoto, except it passed for super glue! HMF
hahaaha! Anon re Sept 23rd...
I love your work! I subscribed and hope we get them with every new post :-) Thanks, very refreshing.
Brilliant again....
these should be archived as a female version of Barry Crump or Fred Dagg.. except you're a woman?! needed that laugh
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