Everyone was dreaming in the dead of night. The sound of crickets and silent serenity in the air. Kids crashed out after hooning around the farm from the moment they finished breakfast to when they sat down in the late afternoon to a meatfest dinner.
Dreaming.......
Breathing.......
Dribbling.......
Calm...........
Then... the ear-piercing cries! Again, and again and again. Most people would have experienced and felt the chill when two cats are scrapping, and if either one of them is your own then you gotta save them! And that's when he left the dream-zone. A deafening sound in the middle of the night... you could hear the 'kill' in their cries. "I'm fuckin' sick a this!". He rubbed his face then got up on his two feet, let out a huge fart and quickly darted his head to see if he woke up the missus, nah she's still crashed out. He was ready......
Right..... got the gun ready ya bastard! No more killin' the chooks, no more ripping the kids cat to bits.... NO MORE! Standing out on the front porch in his jocks and socks he raised the gun, "shit", reached in... turned on the light. He now had clear vision of the two. None of them seemed to be bothered that he was standing there coz they just kept circling and lunging at each others throats. It wasn't until he stepped down one step that they stopped and both, in perfect unison turned their heads to face the man with a gun.
"Oh SHIT!"... you wouldn't dream of it! He saw them, they saw him... Was a brief moment of a hiddy-beast scenario.... which one is ours! They looked the bloody same mate!
Plan.......
He decided to call the family pet to him... "here puss, puss, puss"... as the logic of that is self explanatory, call your own and it will come.... it's not rocket science... he even called it by name.
Yes! he's coming right now... limping a bit.. get out of the way ya buggar! He aimed the gun after calling it one last time to encourage him to move faster so that he could get the mongrel, who turned and began to leave..... "BANG!". Got it! The other cat shot off like a bullet itself... exit, stage left!. He walked over to double check... "Fuck sake!"...... it was the family pet! Can you believe it!..... Yep! Shot it up the ass?! Can you believe that?!.... and Yep! He's still alive! Believe it..... he lived for many years after. Walked a bit funny to start with, as would anyone or anything that just had a speeding bullet shoot up their rear end. Yep, laugh about it now aye?
The dead of night has a lot to answer for I reckon... AND...
Make sure you don't go out in the dead of night in your jocks carrying a gun to stop a cat-fight..... EVER! I'm sure most of us wouldn't... well, not now anyway aye mate?
A Day In The Life Of A Family Man... from a farm.... with a gun.... in his undies.... hmmmmmm
